Today,a friend of mine just lost his grandfather,my condolences to him..although we're not close but the feeling of losing someone that is close to you is similar to everyone no matter how different is the aspect of it..i know how it feels, although mine in my opinion is few times worse which is living in a constant fear of losing that someone..
I admire those people who could just take it up and let it go whenever and wherever they want..take for example..there is this stranger that i get to know through a relative of mine..he could just jump from one ship to another..when i said ship i mean relationship..i dun admire the way he does it..but i do admire how he could just let everything go, like nothing have ever happened before, like there is no responsibility..not only in this aspect but in others as well..i wonder if he ever feel guilty or anything, itz like he is cold blooded or emotionless..it might sound freaky but i really wanna try feeling it once..being kept numb away from everything..emotions,thoughts and sanity is now making my life quite miserable..yes physically i couldnt compare to those who are suffering from the war torn countries but mentally i think im at the same level as them..they indulge in vengence and hatred wherelse mine, everything (minus vengence and hatred)
But...what are the consequences of me changing to a cold blooded crazy psycho?all the things that i have live for will change..beliefs,principles and maybe even friends and family..i have plenty hanging on that..i couldnt and am not ready to lose any of that now..so now,im back to square one,sitting down here fearing of losing someone important..im always wondering where is the silver lining to all this prob..*you could come out now silver..i need a break*
till the next lame and emo chapter..
chaozzzzzz
*hanging on real tight*
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