Self confident issues at helm with sinking ship temporary steadied.

I constantly have this niggling feeling that I am always not good enough for the newspaper industry as I have always been quite bad at using flowery words. Plus, my grammatical mistakes are aplenty.

I forgot that I am only 20 sometimes and I often thought of myself as an adult. I mean, it aint easy working for a newspaper organisation. Not many 20 year olds can make it to where I am (I am certainly not boasting). So this mean, extra pressure which is unnecessary most of the time. I always try not to screw up and try to be as perfect as possible. But what did not cross my mind was that to learn is to make mistakes.

Another factor why I feel I am not up to par is because of that nervousness whenever I need to interview someone, even to people I know! I did tons of interviews before (including my time in KL for my training) and one would expect me to be a seasoned veteran or at least not be nervous or have the butterfly-in-the-stomach kind of feeling, but I always do! It seems that I could not put the experiences I have to good use. Sigh sigh sigh.

Thank goodness, I have heard stories from seniors and older people that it takes time to fit in. It is a comforting thought that I am still 20 and have much to learn but I do not wanna take that as a reason. I mean, I can't be 20 forever and Ive gotta start looking for ways to get rid of this problem. Ive got a headstart now and I intend to make the best out of it but at times I wonder, can I really make it?

I have always like to be special. Probably it's a Gemini trait. Now, I feel special with the what I have achieved so far (albeit not too big of an achievement). I know I can't rest on my laurels now and have to be constantly on my toes.

Next up on the list is personal life.

I've steadied by leaking ship but there are still chances that it will turn out to be the next Titanic. Time is probably what I need the most now together with support to plug the hole of this shinking ship. However, with the progress I am making now, I will probably arrive at the port in no time.


I hate it when people judge blindlessly.